Merry Christmas!

I've had a hard time getting into Christmas this year, but you'd never know it by looking through the photo album on my phone!  It's loaded with pictures that capture all of the holly, jolly (and folly) that Christmas with little ones brings.  Afterall, I may not be into it, but they sure are!  

We searched the tree farm for our Christmas tree:

The kids pleaded their case to Santa. (Well, 5 out of 6 of the kids have.  Mason won't even look at him.)  Here's jolly old St Nick with Mason's stand-in/body-double, cousin George: 

The older four entertained us at their school Christmas program:

Everyone counted down the days with a daily Advent treat and saying our Advent prayers at dinner:

Our yearly visitor, Jingle the Elf, sometimes surprised us!  (that is, when he remembered to move from his spot the day before!  He's been kinda very lazy this year......)

And we even squeezed in some long winter's naps between family gatherings:

But of all of the pictures I have taken this Christmas season, this picture means the most to me:

The circle of life  My dad is facing his first Christmas (since 1944!) without Mom.  Looking at him breaks my heart, because I know part of his is gone. And yet, in his arms he holds a bit of their legacy, their 25th grandchild, our Annie.   A little part of Mom came back to us and provided some light while we were in the midst of darkness and grief.

Kinda reminds me of another little baby we celebrate.....

This year, amidst all of the hustle and bustle this time of year brings, I have found a new peace.  Above all, I'm grateful for life.  For my Mom's life and for Annie's, and all of my children's, life.   Two souls who crossed paths in Heaven.  Two souls who have blessed my life, defined my year and re-awakened my faith.   

 

  

 

From our family to yours:

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

Do You See What I See?

    As I’ve already shared, when we learned of Annie’s diagnosis before she was born, I saw her as the world might “see” her.   I saw a child who would look a little different and who would have physical and mental delays.   I insisted to God that I could not handle this.   But then we met her, and instantly I saw her as I should; as her mother.   She was, she is, beautiful.   Those almond-shaped eyes that I imagined would set her apart?  Well they do, but in a wonderful way. They are my favorite feature on her! I could stare into those eyes all day, because I believe her eyes lead right into her soul; A soul so pure, and so lovely, and so untouched by the very “world” that I, her own mother, have fallen prey to.

     I look at Annie now, and most of the time I don’t “see” her Down Syndrome. I see and know a baby just like any other 1-month old baby, and I wouldn't change a thing about her.  Not one. single. chromosome.  She’s starting to smile at us, loves to eat (and is still eating heartily!), poops (a lot!), and sleeps well (has even slept through the night on occasion!)

 

Really, Mom?  A bow bigger than my head??

 

    Before Annie was born, Matt and I talked about how/if we would tell our kids about her having Down Syndrome (our oldest is only 10). They knew about her heart condition, and we prayed for her as a family, but we hadn’t told them about DS.  I didn’t want to instill in them those very same pre-conceived ideas that had already gripped me.  We decided that in this situation, it would be best to be “reactive” rather than “proactive.”  In other words, we would cross that bridge when we came to it. We (at least I) tend to underestimate kids sometimes.  Where we adults agonize, and analyze, and worry about “what ifs,” they just live in the moment.  I learned a great lesson the first time they visited with their sister.  There was such pure love and happiness! (which I’m going to enjoy now, because it will no doubt dissolve as soon as she starts “bothering” them like the rest do!)  Not one of them seemed to notice any “differences” about her.   They don't see her slanted eyes or feel her low muscle tone….they just see Annie.  She's already one of the gang!!

    Charlie was with us when a doctor happened to mention Down Syndrome.  After the doctor left he asked us, “Does Annie have Down Syndrome?”  My heart sank as I looked at Matt and thought, “Here we go… the moment we’ve been anticipating.” Matt answered him, “Yes. Do you know what that means?” Charlie replied, “Does that mean she’s like Isaac?  He is soooo cute! " (Isaac is a little boy with DS who is on their Cross Country team)  And that was the end of the conversation.  That was enough for him.  It didn’t change his mind about Annie, or scare him as it had scared us.  Oh, what we can learn from our children!  

Matthew 18: 3-5- Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

   

    Now I’m not naive either.  As “Pollyanna” as this all might sound--the peace that we’ve found, and the “normalcy” that we still live--I realize that she is only a month old.  Differences will become more and more apparent as she gets older. We will have to cross that bridge with our kids as their peers begin to ask about Annie.  I fully expect that the feelings of fear and sadness and pity may again rear their ugly heads as we begin to see children her age, or younger, start to surpass her in milestones like sitting, crawling, walking, talking, learning……….. In fact, they already have crept in. The other night I was in Cleveland for a performance of “Wicked,” and there was a young man with Down Syndrome seated several seats away from me in the theatre.  I couldn’t see him, but would occasionally hear him yell out something inaudible, and I noticed him rocking out of the corner of my eye.  I immediately thought ahead to Annie’s future, and again pleaded, “Really God, me?? This is WAY bigger than me!” (And in case you haven’t seen me lately, I’m pretty darn big! Little Miss 6-pounder left me with a lot of baggage!)

 

But then, something wonderful happened.....

 

    After intermission, this young man sat in the seat right next to me.  I turned to look at him and saw his beautiful face and that infectious smile that is almost a trademark of people with Down Syndrome.  He continued with the rocking and occasional moans or shouting out (at appropriate times, mind you. That show is a riot!)  And then he reached over and grabbed my hand and he held it. I truly felt like it was God Himself who was holding my hand and saying, “Maggie, you’ve got this, because I’ve got you!”

 

Ahhhh, in His infinite wisdom, He is slowly teaching this blind Mama to see….

*****************************************************************

P.S....Annie continues to show no signs of heart failure! Her color is great, her breathing is normal, and she was up 5 oz. last week! Grow Annie, grow!

P.P.S....She was baptized this weekend!  She's now an official member of the Catholic Church and official Child of God!  (Although was there really any doubt?)

 

 

Hello World!

Here she is, fresh out!  Welcome Miss Anne Marie Viertlbeck! 
And she was as pink as pink could be...No baby blues here! She was breathing well and no NICU (yet!)
I had about 5 minutes with her before some complications began to set in with me, but she was well loved all night by her Daddy and Grandma and Papa V...

By the next morning, Annie was taken to the NICU because she was having difficulty eating (not uncommon in baby's with both DS and ASVD defects)  Some take a little longer to get the sucking action down, and because of her weaker heart, everything takes a lot more effort, making her tire very easily.  She was taking bottles well, but got tired very quickly so they had to put in a feeding tube to supplement her.  Because I was still recovering from surgery the night before, I was unable to see her until the next night!  That was so hard!!

A feeding tube wasn't going to keep this girl from smiling!  ;)


If ever I wished for a super power, it was for the ability to bi-locate the week Annie was in the NICU.  When I was there with her, I felt I needed to be home with the other kids, and while at home, we just didn't feel complete!  It was so hard leaving the hospital without her, and so tiring running back and forth.  Matt and I spent the bulk of the day with Annie, and usually went home for the evening around supper time.  We sure appreciated all of the visitors to help pass the time, and the friends and family helping with the kids (and meals) back home.  I can't imagine how these parents of preemies, who are sometimes there for months, do it!   

She had two echochardiograms while in the NICU, and everything looked good for the time being.  No signs of distress or heart failure, praise God!  Her cardiologist predicts surgery will be sometime around February or March.  This NICU stay will probably seem like a walk in the park compared to that.  I don't even want to think about it right now.....right now, we're just enjoying lovin' on her!

\

She had lots of visitors, including big brother Max!

Big Brother, Jack



Big Brother, Charlie



Big Sister, Emma





Our Pastor and friend, Father Keith Stripe.  Father was SO wonderful to our family, especially to Dad, as my Mom was dying.  He took a special liking to Annie too, and visited her twice while she was in the NICU.  He is a gift to our parish and to our family...such a good man! 

I mentioned earlier that some family and friends prayed several Novenas for Annie...  I also wore a St Gerard (Patron Saint of Mothers) and St. Anne medal every day from the time we learned of her heart troubles. 
Here she is wearing the saints who prayed for this angel!  ;)

 

 

Gradually Annie built up her endurance while eating and needed the tube less and less.  After a week she was tube free and released.  YAY!  She was coming home!!! 

Brace yourself, baby girl..... 

 



After spending one week in the NICU, Annie was HOME!  The Dirty 1/2 Dozen was together at last!
 

And here's Mason!  Littlest big brother wasn't allowed to visit the NICU (only siblings 3 and older), so he had a great surprise when we showed up with "Baby Annie!"  He loves loves loves her...for about a minute.  Then he has had enough and moves on to something much more exciting.  ;)

 

So bright eyed and happy to be home!!   

Now, over three weeks later, Annie has developed a hearty appetite just like her Mama and Dad! She eats like a true Suter/Viertlbeck, but, unlike that combo, she's having some trouble gaining weight (also not uncommon as her heart works overtime, burning calories at a faster rate than "typical" babies). She is on a high calorie formula to help....a baby milkshake if you will. Can you imagine? Being forced to eat higher calorie foods?  OMG!


 



Announcing Annie

So yeah, I have a ROCKSTAR cervix!  After all of the fuss, here I was quickly approaching my due date with no real signs of labor.  Perhaps the bedrest helped, or maybe the daily doses of Progesterone and Procardia did the trick.  Or maybe Annie could hear what she was going to be surrounded with and said, "No WAY am I going out there!"  Matt is utterly convinced it has always been this way, and that all of this new-fangled technology does nothing but create alarmists out of us!  Whatever it was, my new sedentary lifestyle meant that I got out of an entire summer of mowing the lawn (Whoo-hoo!), packed on the most pounds of any of my pregnancies (Boo-hoo!), and ended up being induced.  Annie was being evicted from her quiet place, and we were finally going to meet this little lady, who had already begun to change our lives.
    With the grieving stage behind me, I had accepted the fact that Annie had Down Syndrome and a heart defect and was ready to move forward.  I had done a lot of research into what to expect at birth due to both.  Because of the ASVD defect, it was highly possible she would be blue from a lack of oxygen, and might be sent to the NICU until she was stable.  Some classic physical features of Down Syndrome include: an upward slant to the eyes, low muscle tone, flat facial features with a small nose (a missing nasal bone was one of her ultrasound markers), small ears....  Annie has nearly all of them, and she's a beauty! :)
     To be totally honest, as ready as I finally felt, I still, in my vain humanity, clung to the anxiety over what others, especially those who didn't know yet, would say or think.  Already a mama-grizzly, I wanted nothing but the usual celebration at her birth. No pity.  It may sound silly that I even thought this way, but in this age of social media and status updates, I wondered, "How do we announce something like this?"  That darn elephant still loomed!!  Don't get me wrong, I was in no way ashamed of Annie, but I wanted people to know her first, not her diagnosis.   I wrote the following to our family, friends and fellow prayer warriors first:
 
    "For this child we have prayed, and the Lord has answered our prayer." -1Samuel,
1:27  (This has become one of my favorite verses!)

    Sweet Annie is here!  Our little lady, Anne Marie Viertlbeck (named after her 2
beautiful Grandmas, Marilyn Ann and Patricia Marie) arrived on November 4 at 5:38 p.m. weighing in at 6 lbs and 13 oz. 
    I'm still in awe of the amount of support and love we received from each of you
throughout this pregnancy.  Your prayers, your love, your friendship, your
concern and your help literally sustained us through a very tough few
months..... I like to think of you all as "Annie's Army!"
    Despite being born with an extra chromosome (her "designer genes") and a heart
defect (which we will hopefully have mended in no time!), to us Annie is sheer
perfection!  Please, please don't pity us....CELEBRATE with us!  She is LIFE in
all it's beautiful, baby-girl glory, and will no doubt teach this family about
unconditional love, acceptance, patience, and that wonderful childhood innocence
that most of us seem to lose along the way......
    I admittedly spent a lot of time during this pregnancy consumed with fear,
feeling overwhelmed and anxious about the future, but already I've asked myself,
"What was so scary??"  Yes, Annie will bring with her some unique, sometimes
big, challenges, but we accept them and will grow from them, fully confident
that God will equip us on this new journey.  (and btw, show me a kid who doesn't
bring a challenge at some point in their life, and I'll trade you one of ours! 
Lol).
    Instead, please pray for the nearly 90% of mothers (yes, 90!) who find out about
their baby's "diagnosis" during pregnancy (just like we did), yet make the
choice to terminate.  They let their fear and a worldly idea of "perfection"
win, and choose not to meet their "Annie."  It makes me so sad for them.  If
only they realized what they're giving up!!
    Look at this face and tell me she wasn't worthy of life??? 

     And please pray for all of her doctors and therapists, present and future, who will be treating her. 
   
    May God bless you all for the love and generosity you have bestowed on our
family.  I promise you, we will never, ever forget it......and nor will He.  ;)

"The pain that you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming!"
-Romans 8:18.  (another favorite....and so prophetic!!  We are FULL of joy!!!)

Thanks be to God!
Maggie & Matt