Two Steps Back

Before I can move forward with present day, I need to go back a bit.  Let's start at the beginning......Not at the beginning of my life (as exciting as it is! Ha!), but at the beginning of Annie's, our #6.
    We waited a little longer than usual to tell everyone about this pregnancy.  I marvel at what some people will say when it comes to one's children, as if they have a personal or financial stake in their upbringing.  We have found that when you announce Baby #1 or Baby #2, people are generally very happy and excited!   #3 is pushing it (unless, of course, you're going for "that boy" or "that girl" after having 2 of the same gender)  That was our case with our Emma, #3.  Then surely, everyone thought, we were done, right?  Afterall, we "had our girl," and "our hands were full" (a comment heard during every trip to the grocery store.  every. single. one.)  By #4 and #5 it's not uncommon to be asked if they are all from the same father (true story!), or if you have figured out how this works...So, weary of the comments, we kept the news of our wonderful blessing a secret for almost 2 months before revealing it to our town criers: Charlie, Jack, Emma, Max and Mason. 
    From the start, this pregnancy felt just a little different.  I chalked it up to the advanced maternal age so boldly inscribed at the top of my chart.  My body felt like I'd been hit by a Mack truck!  How in the world did my mom do this 9 times?  How has Michelle Duggar done it 19 times and counting???
    I found out we were having a girl the week of Father's Day (lucky for the boys, because had it been another boy, Emma and I were planning on high-tailing it out of here!  ha!), and surprised Matt with the announcement as his Father's Day gift.  Even he sighed in relief.  The thought of another lightsaber weilding mad-man joining this crew even scared big, strong Daddy!  We named her Julia.  I loved the name, and Matt was willing to compromise.  He liked Julianne, but that just made me think of potatoes!  (Actually, I thought of food all the time.  I am a Suter, and I was pregnant...a bad, bad combination.)
    During my 20-week scan, it was discovered that my cervix was already thinning and measuring at a centimeter.  My doctor was very concerned, sent me over the the hospital for a more thorough exam, and I was put on "moderate bedrest" indefinitely.  This meant no more running, walking, cutting the grass (darn it!), trips to the zoo (because the ramp at the Toledo Zoo is enough to put even non-pregnant women into labor!), and so on.  I was put on daily Progesterone suppositories (awesome!), Procardia to stop contractions, and told to "lay low." I asked my doctor, who had already delivered #'s 1-5, if he remembered what I had back at home??  Lay-low?  They'll destroy me!
    My family and friends really stepped in to help me from going stir-crazy!  People brought us meals, took the kids on playdates, and offered help wherever needed.  I tried (kind of) to follow doctor's orders, and had daily brawls with my cervix: "Really Cervix?  I've sailed through 5 pregnancies with no mention of this, and you choose to peter out now?  Did someone tell you I was of advanced maternal age?  I'm only 38!!" 
    Over July 4th weekend I put all "bedrest" to bed and we hosted the Suter Family (Team Suter!) Reunion at our house, the house that until 2 years prior, my Mom and Dad had lived in for 40 years.  All nine of us were home, and (nearly) all of the 24 grandchildren and 19 great-grandchildren were there. It was a wonderful weekend celebrating our family!  And it turned out to be the last weekend we would all be together with our Mom.  Three weeks later, everyone was back again as we laid her to rest.  Her health been going downhill a good part of the year, and her fight was over.  Here I was, about to become a mother again, and I had to say good-bye to my own mother.  We will all be forever grateful for that reunion.  Someday soon I will tell you more about my beautiful, wonderful Mom....  I miss her everyday.
    Three weeks after Mom's funeral, still numb with grief, I was sent back to the hospital because my cervix had thinned even more.  I was to be on complete bedrest for a few days (Um, "Aint nobody got time for that!"), injected with steroids to hasten the baby's lung development in the event of preterm delivery (I was 29 weeks pregnant at this point), and was sent down for a Level II ultrasound the following day.  Oh Good!  Another peek at Anne!  (Yes, Julia had now become Anne.)  When Mom died we wanted a way to honor her, and Anne was her middle name.  It seemed a perfect way!  Little did I know that a whole lot more than her name was about to change.....
    I was alone that morning.  Matt was home with the kids and I saw no reason he had to come in for this.  The ultrasound seemed to be taking forever, but I didn't think too much of it.  I never grow tired of seeing my babies swimming away in their "quiet place," and I reminded her to enjoy it now because our house is anything but quiet!  Nearly an hour into it, the nurse told me she had to check on something and would be right back.  She came back with a man, who I later learned was a pediatric cardiologist, and he began to scan me again.  Their silence was chilling.  When he finally spoke, he asked a question I will never forget: "Did you have the First Trimester Screen?  (a test to determine a likelihood of any chromosonal defects)  "Yes, I had and I was told everything was fine.  Why?" I answered.  "I'm afraid that your baby has a heart defect (big punch in the gut), and this particular defect, as well as some other markers we see on your baby, highly coincides with Down Syndrome." (Knock-out.)   My heart broke that day too.